Lifeless Words Carry On
by MeredithBrody
Summary: A routine search goes badly leaving Brody to recover from another personal tragedy (MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH)


**Alright, I'm sorry everyone. This was not what I planned on. Somehow though, I'm completely unsurprised that I get the first major character death fic. I do like writing angst. This is something that completely snowballed, starting with PinkAngel mentioning that I hadn't killed anyone yet the other night, StephNCIS and melzabelza talking about 1x14 on Tumblr and the song "Shattered" by Trading Yesterday (from where the title is taken). So I'm sorry. Please shout at me in reviews.  
Shin xx**

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There were a number of things you were prepared for when you worked for NCIS, one of them was the knowledge that any given day could be the last one you had on this planet. Every agent dealt with it in their own way. They tended to fit into two categories. Those who never got close to anyone, and those who got close to everyone.

Meredith Brody had been the former, Dwayne Pride had been the latter.

It hadn't taken long for Pride to get under her skin. He was just a wonderfully charismatic person, and he had a heart of gold. He'd made her feel at home, and had helped her start integrating into life in New Orleans.

It had taken longer for her to start opening up to him, but when it had happened it had happened all at once. Her awkward relationship with her parents, her grief over Emily and the mistake that had caused her to make. Her inability to connect with anyone on a deeper level and her fear of losing the people who did break it through her walls.

While he had made it into her heart, she had still put up a fight. They had spent almost every waking minute together, they woke up together, they went to sleep together. She got used to having him there. But she couldn't fully commit, she was still too afraid of losing him.

That fear of loss was well founded.

An average sweep. That was all. She had been on the other side of the building with LaSalle when the shots had been fired. They had raced to the scene. LaSalle had caught the subject, and she'd dropped down on the ground, putting pressure on the injuries she could see, praying there weren't others she hadn't. She hadn't prayed since school.

It hadn't been enough, the internal injuries from the 'cop killer' bullets had done their job, and after a 2 hour surgery the surgeon had come out and broken the news to Brody and Laurel. They hadn't been able to save him. The two women had then broken down in their own ways. Laurel had howled and collapsed into Brody's arms. Brody herself had shut down again. Just like she had when Emily died.

This was why she didn't let anyone get close to her. When she let people close they left her. She was always left to face the world alone, and that was what made it all harder. She had thought that this time she would always have him to turn too. Instead she was stood in this room comforting a distraught Laurel.

Going home was the hardest part, she took Laurel with her, and walking into the house they'd come to be sharing she was steamrolled by the memories and reminders of him. His shoes in the middle of the floor, the note he'd left her that morning when he'd left first.

For days she walked around in a haze, preparing everything for the funeral she had helped Laurel plan. There were friends and long lost family coming from all over the country. Every NCIS office was sending representatives. Most federal agencies were too. The whole city grieved for its fallen son, but still Brody shut down, completely clamped down on her feelings, and pushed everyone away.

She would have run again, if it wasn't for a promise she'd made. She'd told him months earlier that she wouldn't run from this place, that she would let this city and its people heal her. She wasn't sure how she'd do that now as the biggest part of her personal healing process had gone.

Loretta and LaSalle were there to catch her when she eventually fell. It was the afternoon following the funeral, and she had stayed stood at the grave long after the rest had left. That was the first time she had cried in more than two decades. She had thought she was alone as she fell to her knees at the foot of his grave, unable to stand any longer. A second later there were hands on her shoulders, standing there stoically with her. Letting her release the grief that had built up.

The rest of that day had been a daze. She remembered that one of her adopted family had been with her at all times. Everyone from Linda Pride down to Laurel had tried to help her process. She was aware of receiving condolences from almost everyone who passed through their office that afternoon. She didn't know if she thanked them, or said anything at all to them. But they all seemed to leave feeling better than she did.

As the weeks passed and changes came to the NCIS office, Brody continued to push almost everyone out of her life. She couldn't risk losing anyone again. She had lost Emily. She had lost King. In her years on the planet they were the two people she had been closest too. Doing it again was too hard.

"Merri, you have to move on." Were the words that kept repeating in her mind. She couldn't seem to get them out of her head. Always in King's voice, always him. He was the one who had caused her to finally face Emily's death. Was he reaching out again, somehow, to make her face his.

"It's best you just face it head on." That was what he'd said about Emily's, and she had known then that he was right. As the words repeated over and over she knew he was still right. So she puffed out her chest and thought about the best way to do this. Eventually realising that there was only one place she could go.

"Loretta. I'm in trouble." They were the only words she needed to say, and her friend knew that she was finally opening up. She was going to face all of this, and if she was going to get through it she was going to need her family to help. So she was approaching the only parental figure she could approach. She knew Loretta would help her, and she would face it head on. It was time to move on.


End file.
